Mother...I've Done It Again

mother i've done it again...i've fallen into a deep somber in which i cannot find a way out.
i've fallen for an angel from up above that couldn't be sent for me.
mother i've done it again...i've messed up so bad that not even god can help me now.
i'm in over me head and can't seem to want anything else but lead.
mother i've done it again...i fell for his tricks once again.
how could i've been so stupid to leave something good for something so bad?
mother i've done it again...i can't make up my mind for what is right.
tell me how i'm suppose to know what i need to fight for.
mother i've done it again...i've finally made up my mind.
i know what i need to do.

mother i've done it again...i took my angel and flew away.
i know my decision has to be right.
mother i've done it again...i've finally did something you can be proud of.
i no longer crave for the lead in my hand.
mother i've done it again...you have to trust me.
put your faith in me because i know he's the one for me.
mother i've done it again...i no longer need to cry.
i no longer have to wonder if my angel is going to fly away from me cause i AM my own angel...

Juggling Death in My Hands

The darkness slowly starts to take over my heart and soul as you fade out of my life.
I juggle the knife across my arms trying to make the pain go away.
The crying seems to never end.
My dying heart never comes to a complete stop.
Oh how many nights I prayed for it to, so many nights and days.
I thought over the ways to try and make you stay.
Never did I come up with the answer that could answer my thoughts.
As I juggle the knife across my arms one final time, I let out one last scream of hate.
The cold hail reigns down on my dead body as the light fades from my eyes.
The knife did its damage that will never be undone.
Let me rest in my final grave.
Let my pain put me in my everlasting sleep.
I hated this world and all that is inside.
The knife next to my corpse took all my pain away.
I couldn't make you stay, so I had to go away.
As the darkness takes completely over me, I now know I was never meant to be.

Drowning My Sorrows

I try to drown my sorrows away and ended up bringing more to my life.
How can I break my own heart by putting false hopes in my head?
Don't break my heart, it's already been torn apart.
Hold it in your hand as if your life depended on it's very survival.
I close my eyes and try to pretend the words were never said.
Oh God how did I let this happen again?
Stop the pain and stop the hurt, God let me drown in my sorrows.
Take me out of my misery and let me be at peace.
My words can no longer form words as my chances slowly start to fade.
How did I let this happen?
How did I screw up this time?
I only wanted the pain to go away and yet I brought more that is here to stay.
I try to make this seem so normal and yet the thoughts of a chance slowly start to disappear from view.
I wonder if I was dead, would it be so much easier for the world.
I don't seem to care anymore.
Help me not to care, just take the gun and put the lead where it needs to be.
Quit trying to save me, quit trying to say everythings okay.
I hope that when I leave this Earth behind I'm no longer on everyone's mind.
I don't even know where I'm going with this.
I don't even know if I can survive this life anymore.
So as my heart beats in your hand, where do I go from here?

You Got Me

I don't know what to say to you any more.
I'm giving up on this fucking life.
I don't see the point in this shit anymore and I'm going away.
Fuck having to stay somewhere I'm never loved or cared about.
You say my heart is black and dead.
I say you made me that way.
You dont' appreciate a damn thing I've done for you.
My heart and soul was always true.
Fuck this lie I'm living just to make you happy.
Fuck everyone who says I'm too angry, that I'm making a big deal out of nothing.
Kiss my ass, I'm tired of this fucking life.
There will be no redos, there will be no turning me around.
All the fucking lies you said to me, all the fucking hatred you put in my soul.
My brain starts to pump more blood than it can take.
My black, dead heart burst into a song that only evil wants to hear.
I don't give a damn anymore of what you think of me.
I'm tired of trying to be someone I'm not.
You get pissed off at me because my language is vulgar.
Fuck what you got to say, you wanted the real me, now you got the bitch I really am.
I will never be who you want me to be.
I will never love again and build me a wall to surround my dead heart.
There is no turning back from this point.
There is nowhere to go from here but forward.
You wanted the real me, well you got me.
You say I'm a bitch and I laugh in your face.
You call me crazy and have no idea how crazy I can really be.
Fuck the life you put before me.
I'm going my own path.

My Lovely Pain

I look into my broken mirror and stare at the beauty in my hand.
Her cold touch is soothing to my broken soul.
Her eyes so dark and so dead.
The kiss of her lips send me into a spiral of insanity I cannot control.
She beckons me to her and I turn into the undead.
I go to her and bow down before her beauty and perfect wonder.
She holds me in her arms.
The same arms that comfort my restless soul tears it apart.

Her heart is a lie.
She's cold and dead and yet here I am in her arms again.
I thought I could leave her.
I thought I could make it without by my side to keep me half way sane.
The chaos, the hurt, the lies and pain.
It's too much to bare.
It's too hard to hold on without her.

I drop the knife into the sink and wipe away my tears.
All my troubles and fears flow into the drain.
The pain in my heart eases as I hide away my sin.
I look up into my broken mirror one last time and sigh.
Walking away from my lover, I start my day once again.

Hop Hop Hop

hop hop hop all day long.

day and night they jump all around me.

it's in my head, it's all in my head.

over and over they say it's in my head.

they're just crazy thoughts, they're not really there.

but still i sit in my room and watch the purple bunnies hop around my room.

they seem so real and innocent, but they're evil in disguise.

 

hop hop hop they plan their evil plot.

they want to ruin my sanity, they're after my thoughts.

i scream for them to go away but still they stay hopping around in my head.

they're trying to drive me insane, but no i won't give in.

the morphine kicks in, the men in white put me to bed.

 

hop hop hop the bunnies go as they take over my head once again

Lonely Angel

lonely angel so cold and dark.

waiting for love to rescue her tonight.

will her heart be saved from eternal despair or thrown into the darkness?

lonely angel so despret to be held and loved.

waiting on this mood to swing on by her.

she never gets up. she's given up.

 lonely angel sits and cries, telling her heart a last goodbye.

no light will shine on the broken angel.

no peace is in sight.

she crossed the final line of no return.

no hope for the lonely angel.

she's tangled in a mess of hurt and pain.

the wires cutting deeper into her soul, into her wings.

lonely angel eyes so dark and dead.

no future for her ahead of the endless pit of gloomy despair.

lonely angel so cold and dark.

waiting forever for love that will never pass her by.

Loving A Demon

she cradles him to her.

loving to the man inside the demon, she caresses his pain with tender kisses.

wrapping her soft wings around the demon, protecting him with her love.

her eyes see what no other has noticed what lay deep inside the beautiful demon.

her heart loves him though he says he doesn't deserve such a beautiful heart.

her touch so careful, trying to tame the restless soul inside.

her heart sings a lullaby to him, waiting for his to sing back to her.

the pain in his eyes makes the angel cry for him.

she whispers promises of love to the beautiful demon she holds so dear to her heart.

will the demon see what the angel sees?

will he wrap his warm wings around her as she does for him?

will he take her hand and dance with his angel?

will he tame his hurt so his soul can love the angel that gives her broken heart to him?

will he show her as much love as she shows to her beloved demon?

Losing the Rest of My Sanity

i'm starting to lose what mind i have left.
how can you not respond, how can you have no words?
i wait for you to say a word and still i hear nothing but my own thoughts.
speak to me!
speak a word!
don't sit there and stare at me.
i know you heard about my thoughts.
i know you know everything.
how many hints do i have to send for you to finally make a response?
i stare at this blank screen and see you there.
did i come on to you too strong?
am i nothing to you but some silly girl?
the insanity inside is haunting my dreams.
i'm starting to think none of this is real.
i'm wondering if you even know who i am.
and i still sit here for you to finally make your first move before my insanity takes what's left of me.
i sit here patiently waiting for all to fade away...

Dark Hearts of Men

so dark is the heart of men that even god has gaven up hope.
evil and corrupted, they think they own the world.
abusive and cold to the mother that gives them life to their children, food to feed their souls.
they judge who shall live or shall die, yet their god tells them differently.
they steal, they kill, they have no respect for life.
governments who say freedom is their goal, yet they refuse it to those who are different.
they say how we live, how we should love when they cannot even be faithful to themselves or their spouse.
they put our lives in the line of fire for money and black gold.
taking away our husbands and sons for something we don't even need.
for something so easily replaced.
their dark and soulless hearts greedier than starving men, women, and children around this small world.
so dark is the heart of men that even they have gaven up hope on themselves.

Hanging On

she's hanging by a string of hope.
her heart beating faster as she continues to slip on down.
she looks up for his hand to help her on her feet again yet he stands and stares.
he looks at her angelic face with tear stained cheeks.
why does he stand and watch her die?
she cries to him as she falls a little more.
she cries to him, begs for his heart to reach to her but knows he won't move a single step farther.
her hands bleeding, skin tearing more as she holds so tightly to her string of hope.
hope is all that is left of her torn soul.
blood pouring from her hands she slides down a little more.
his face haunting her eyes as he watches her slip away, yet his ears ignore her pleads of help.
his hand never reaching towards the crying girl.
she's giving up.
she's letting go.
her eyes burn into his heart, into his soul.
as she falls to the ground his hand reaches but she's given up and let go.
his eyes burns into the string where her blood stains.
his lips whispering sweet remorse to one that he let slip away.

The Ramblings of the Insane

dark shadows overtaking my mind.
my thoughts no longer my own.
evil whispers flow through my head.
how much longer will i be able to fight them away?
i'm so scared i'll fall into their dirty hands.
so afraid to succumb to the dark desires they play in my head.
cry and cry all i want, but still nothing drowns out the whispers in my head.
people saying i've lost my sanity, but they have no idea how real my imaginations really are.
they don't see the danger lurking in their own shadows.
but i see them.
i see the demons smiling and laughing, waiting to strike at me.
watching and waiting.
listen to the way they snicker at me.
so go on and laugh at me.
say it's just the rambling of the insane, but you'll see who really is insane and who was right all along.

Lonely Lands

the hurt and pain i feel inside, tears me apart.
feeling like i don't belong, like something inside is wrong.
ignored and shoved away from society, only my thoughts and imaginations keep me company.
more and more i become settled in with the lonliness and dark surroundings.
shadows dance to my lonely heartbeat.
parade around my darkened thoughts.
so lonely i have become that my sanity is on the brink of breaking, falling into the devil's hands.
dark barron lands fill my home with no love or friendship.
so here i swim in my hurt and pain, no longer minding the lonliness.